Before I begin, I’d like to make an apology. Afterwards, I’ll discuss why the founder of Scientology is such a mindfuck, and why the current leader, David Miscavige, is a corrupt Marvel villain who needs to stay in his goddamn lane. Let’s get started.
I. The Apology
I started making IGTV’s six months ago, the first covering Scientology. Afterwards came an outpour of messages from friends and family telling me to be careful or the Scientologists will come after my poor little grad school soul. They had money. I had a thriving Instagram: there is really no competition. Now, I wouldn’t consider myself too gullible, but if you talked to me six months ago, I took unsolicited advice because I was more concerned with their concern for me. I removed the preview to the Scientology IGTV and stopped promoting anything I had to say on that matter. Luckily, the July 2019 Aahoo is not the February 2019 Aahoo. And I suppose that’s what happens when you see a psychoanalyst twice a week and surround yourself with supportive mentors and friends who cheer you on. You become unapologetic. That being said, I’m sorry for caving into other people’s fears. Rest assured, this IGTV is going to comfortably stay on the front page.
Now that that’s out of the way, let’s play
II. The Mindfuck
Once upon a time, a guy named Layfette Ron Hubbard was removed as a navy officer in World War II because of a few delusional decisions on his part. My favorite is when he fired at a non-existent Japanese submarine. My second favorite is when he claimed that he achieved the rank of lieutenant commander, but US Navy documents clearly reflect his rejection because he was not physically qualified for the rank. Don’t forget the time Hubbard claimed he was not only a hopeless cripple and blind by the end of the war, but he had healed himself with principles that later became his 1950s novel Dianetics, the basis of Scientology. It’s funny, because our dear L. Ron Hubbard was never actually injured during the war.
So how does a guy get away with creating so many fabrications, and even more fabrications to support his fabrications? Easy. The creator of Scientology is an author. A science fiction author of over 600 novels and short stories. In 1948, during a meeting of the Eastern Science Fiction Association, L. Ron Hubbard stated “You don’t get rich writing science fiction. If you want to get rich, you start a religion.”
In 1952, he lectured “The only way you can control people is to lie to them. You can write that down in your book in great big letters. The only way you can control anybody is to lie to them.”
One year later, Scientology was founded.
III. Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health and the greatest-deplorable-fiction-novel on mental health only a con-artist who fabricated his entire life story could write.
In the book, Hubbard writes about a technique called auditing, a method used in Scientology today. Auditing uses “professionals” or “e-meter machines” to help patients overcome past traumas. This isn’t even the weird part. Thetans, according to Scientologists, are immortal human souls that can possibly tap into past lives that affect us today.
Now usually tax-exempt churches that believe in normal, everyday Gods make most of their money from donations. Not Scientology! Because in order to cleanse your Thetan, you have to audit it. The lowest I believe to audit your poor unfortunate soul is $800 an hour, which really is a rip off compared to a good psychoanalysis session that runs under $220 an hour.
Congratulations on clearing your human soul! Now what? Climb the ladder to higher levels of (drumroll please):
IV. Operating Thetan
Want to control the world? Control matter, light, energy, and leave your own body? You can with Operating Thetan! Almost sounds like something from a science fiction novel! But remember, if you want to continue climbing up the ladder, it’s going to cost you over $100,000. I don’t know about you but I prefer taking out multiple student loans for, oh I don’t know, a college education?
That’s level one weird. Now for some level two people-buy-into-this weird: There are different levels of Operating Thetan, and the highest one involves cleansing the soul of Thetans from 75 million years ago.
What exactly happened 75 million years ago?
V. Supreme Leader Xenu Happened
75 million years ago, a dictator named Xenu was supreme leader of the Galactic Federation. He killed a bunch of humans in a volcano and released their Thetans into the environment like a plague. Xenu’s plague made humans today affected by the distressed souls of the past. Xenu killing a bunch of humans almost sounds like that one bad guy who wiped out a third of the planet in Marvel’s Avengers: Infinity War. Oh, right! Thanos! But that’s silly because Thanos isn’t real and Xenu clearly sounds a lot more believable.
But back to auditing!
The Church of Scientology somehow makes people believe that paying money will cleanse their soul from the tortured Thetans that Supreme Leader Xenu killed. And by money I mean over $100,000. Again, fuck college. Right?
All this from a science fiction author. And yes, Scientology is exempt from taxes. The end.
VI. David-fucking-Miscavige
David Miscavige took over leading the Church of Scientology in 1987 after Hubbard died. His wife, Shelly Miscavige was dubbed the Queen of Scientology and was last seen in August 2007 at her father’s funeral, so if one of the members of @scientology would like to explain that in the comment section by all means because I’ve Googled my eyes out trying to figure out that mystery.
David’s father, Ron Miscavige, left Scientology in 2012, and wrote an entire book on his son because of a policy I’ll mention in a minute, called disconnection. On top of that, David is constantly accused of assaulting and beating church staff members. These accusations include punishing staffers by sending them to camp out in tents for days on mountainsides, assigning them hard labor, and forcing them to shower with a garden hose. But that didn’t stop Tom Cruise from having David as best man at his wedding to Katie Holmes.
In my opinion, David Miscavige is a sociopath. He stops at nothing to protect Scientology’s name. He clearly lacks a conscience. He has a despicable need to win and views relationships and interactions as games to be won. He believes himself to be superior, and he lives to exploit others. Boom. Sociopath.
Everyone say it with me: Fuck you David Miscavige (#fuckyoudavidmiscavige)
My Analysis of The Mindfuck that is Scientology
Remember in Disney’s Incredibles where we learned about the antagonist’s backstory, Buddy Pine? He was just a toxic fanboy-nerd who was constantly overlooked so he became Syndrome, the bad guy. That’s almost L. Ron Hubbard’s back story. I am convinced Scientology was created because he was a man child in desperate need of attention and approval—two things he never received from the military or his below-par science fiction novels.
If I haven’t convinced you of Hubbard’s or David-fucking-Miscavige’s manipulative and deplorable behavior, let’s go over what makes Scientology a cult (based off of Characteristics Associated with Cultic Groups by Janja Lalich, Ph.D. and Michael D. Langone, Ph.D.):
1. Ability to Brainwash: Brainwashing is easy as long as you target the lonely, weak, and vulnerable! Go for the humans from homes of dysfunctional families. Make sure to target the rejected and isolated. After all, Hubbard knows exactly what the rejected want to hear because once upon a time, he was rejected by the majority.
2. Disassociating followers from friends and family: Followers of Scientology are isolated from their previous life before Scientology, something they call disconnection. An emphasis is placed that the folks from the past don’t speak the same language and should be seen as inferior, or as Scientologists call them, antagonists. Antagonists are obstacles to spiritual growth, or as I like to call it: OBSTACLES TO BRAINWASHING. When a group claims to be elitists and has an us versus them mentality, it’s a CULT.
3. Questioning is discouraged and/or punished
4. The group is preoccupied with bringing in new members, making money, and encourages socialization only with other group members.
I don’t care what Hollywood star is associated with Scientology. It’s a money sucking cult run by sociopaths and followed by co-dependent humans in desperate need of a community to validate their existence.
Thanks for reading, thanks for watching. I’ll see you rebels on Wednesday.
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